Vanessa ♥: June 2011

13 Jun

The theme for this week is FAVORITES, and to celebrate the month of June, which just HAPPENS to be my favorite month, I’m sharing my favorite things about it.

Ever since graduating high school a year ago, one of the hardest things has been seeing my close friends move away for college. (I am that friend who stayed home… and complained about it… and complained… but had my own reasons to staying.) However, in a way, distance makes the heart grow fonder (what a true cliché), and it’s so exciting when friends return for summer. I even have a special song for this occassion:

The opening lyrics sing: Come home in the summer. Live a life that you miss. It’s alright. I’ll fill you in. Don’t you wait for me to call your name again.

I’ve already had some very awesome memorable summer moments with my prodigal sons friends (?), such as going to Yelle’s show and meeting her (super sweet, and she wore a really cool pretzel necklace), taking teen witch-inspired photos in the park, and having my friend accidentally burn me. Oh wait. Maybe not that last part. It was memorable, at least.

I find that I become so sleepy during the winter, and it’s such an intense mode of sleepiness/feeling down in the dumps that it takes all spring for me to wake up, and finally in June I spring back alive. I finally feel busy again. It has to do with finally finishing up projects which have been in the works for months, the (slightly) better weather, planning summer trips, and seeing friends again. Overall, June is a month of change for me and halfway through 2011, I really need the refreshment.

I’ll admit that I don’t feel as excited as usual for Pride weekend, but I feel that my mentality overall has become more relaxed. This year I just want to chill, meet new people, and have a good time. And I definitely want to KEEP IT CUTE. That’s very important to me, to not go overboard and regret a bunch of things I did the week after Pride weekend. I also have a couple of friends coming to visit San Francisco and I really want to show them around. I love playing tour guide. It makes me feel useful as a San Fran native. Because, you know, my status as a SF native is usually just good for complaining about muni. And for justifying my weirdness.

Overall, June just feels like a month of hope, excitement, and good vibes (ugh no, I don’t mean the store, as awesome as it is.) I’m also going to Southern California right at the end of June, so it’ll be exciting. I think this month will change the entire shape of 2011 for me. I can hope.



The Favorites Of Flyykiddfresh

13 Jun

Favorite Color: Black

Favorite Book: True 2 The Game

Favorite Outfit I Own: Camo shorts, sweatshirt and converse

Favorite Rapper: Jay-Z

Favorite School Subject: P.E

Favorite Moment: Meeting Lil’ Bow Wow and B2k

Favorite Song:Hail Mary- Tupac

Favorite Car:Dodge Challenger

Favorite TV show: Martin

Favorite Day Of The Week: Friday

Favorite Movie: Paid In Full

Favorite Feature: Eyes

Favorite Drink: Producers Orange Juice

Coming out

7 Jun

When I was a wee lass (like 13) I started my collection of cute women folks. I never really thought about why I liked doing this or what being gay was, i just knew that I wanted jessica alba in a swimsuit on my wall. later during my middle school and high school years, there would be times where i would have these strange feelings for girls. but I would always think it was because of what they were wearing or their style.


Much later after several horrible attempts of dating boys with very very awkward moments of kissing that shall never be mentioned ever again, I had my first girl crush. she was a  young white emo punk fairy girl.  she was a junior and liked to randomly bite me, which now that i think back on it, was a little odd……….hhhmmmmmmmm

after  getting into high school and leaving the somewhat awkwardness behind, i went on to high school and met the love of my life who I now date and love with all my heart and couldn’t be happier.


❤ ❤ ❤ Pantalones



My Rebirth

31 May

Name:Brittanee L

Age: 13


I walk along the path
Unknown to others,
Newly discovered by me.
And see the colors.
They dance with each other,
But not with those unlike them.
Blue with blue,
Red with red,
Green with green,
With pink.
They are happy this way,
By the constant glares
Of the others who look in their direction,
Pointing, laughing, making jokes.
Blue is happy with blue.
Red is happy with red.
Green is happy with green.
Is happy with pink.

If this path
Were to be discovered,
The colors would fade,
Not showing their true selves,
For fear of being ridiculed,
For fear of being laughed at.
So blue joins pink,
Green with red.
Constant pain of this mask,
Trying to please all,
Not being what
They were meant to be.

But slowly, the colors separate.
Blue joins blue,
Red joins red,
Green joins green,
Joins pink.
The others point, laugh,
But the colors don’t mind.
They never apologize
For who they are.
They never apologize
For being what the others hate,
For what makes themselves happy.


31 May

It wasnt very difficult for me to say it… yes it the phrase synonymous with the queer community… Feared by many saying it bust down the closet door yes… that phrase that is so big… I AM GAY! *Gasp*… What makes my experience crazy is that it took about a year for me to fully come out. To put the cherry on top it was on Christmas. heh heh Merry Christmas.”Let me give you some of the comments a dialogue of that fantastically gay experience.

Me:Uhm mom…… Gay?

*She looks away then looks back*

Mom: Wait so your saying you like DUDES?

*She calls my dad in the room*

Mom: Tell your Father!

Me: I am gay.

Mom: You heard that your son wants a “vagina”! He has a vagina between his legs!

Me: No… its not like that i just like guys.

*Dad looks un-interested*

*I leave the room. Because i was over this conversation.”

Coming out is a process and you are forever telling people. This it never ends and many reactions not always positive. the worst reaction came from a queer guy who was straight up like ” your gay? ewww?” The irony of this is that everyone in the school thought he was gay, Some of the worst reactions can come from places where you don’t expect. Coming out is an experience. That should be done, It allows you to grow in many ways and meet more people. for me it gave me the opportunity to learn about other and myself simultaneously.

As a black person. You can end up not being considered masculine anymore as if you were castrated when you came out. You are treated differently by some and not all. Never forget that coming out as gay is only something your revealing to others and is a small piece of you. Keep in mind that. We are all growing individuals changing for whatever better is in our lives there is never a worst because we all have experiences to make us stronger. Plus take the time to do what makes you happy that makes things better. I had music so i focused on that than i did alot of work in the queer community which lyric provided. Finding community by itself is a powerful experience by itself. Thank you for reading!

Coming Out

30 May

By my favorite artist, Keith Haring, 1988

I feel lucky that I’ve had support around being queer from the beginning. My best friend came out in 8th grade, and I didn’t start questioning my sexuality until I was a sophomore or junior in high school. By then, I had a circle of 3-4 close friends.. most of whom were queer.. and were totally supportive when queer Vanessa busted out. That summer, I was in training for my first job at a community organization, and my co-workers (other youth and my supervisors) were super supportive too. It was nice.

There are people I’m still not out to, like most of my family (my sister knows and is cool with it.) My parents… kinda know… I think. We haven’t openly talked about it or acknowledged it. I think it’ll eventually happen, I mean I will talk about it with them eventually, but it’s not the first thing on my mind right now.

When I first came out as a lesbian (I don’t identify as such anymore) I felt a strong need to prove to others that I was, in fact, a lesbian. I would dress in what I thought would make me “look” queer and have some rainbow trinket on me so that people could “tell.” For me, that was all part of the process of experimenting and figuring out what feels right. Nowadays I identify as queer/pansexual and I find that I come out to a lot of people in different ways. I come out to non-queer people as queer and I come out to queer people as like.. sometimes dating straight cis guys. And maybe I would be a little more worried about coming out if I wasn’t so used to doing it all the time already. And I’m finally at a place where I’ve accepted the fluidity in my identity. So like, if I like guys more at a certain time… and don’t really care the next moment… it’s all good.

The last thing I want to write about is how coming out is political.
Okay, I think that everything is political, whether or not people want to acknowledge it. It just depends on what light you see it in. But coming out is really political, even in the smallest ways…

I was at a conference earlier this year and in one of the workshops, we broke up into groups of 4-5 people and shared personal stories. Note: this was not a queer-specific conference. Someone in my group shared something about having to “accept gay people” and pretty much said it in a way that told me they assumed no one in our group is queer. So when it was my turn to share, I came out. And in my head I was like, “YEAH check your assumptions.” I’m guessing if I looked like what they thought queer people look like, they wouldn’t have shared what they did. But because I “pass” as straight, they felt OK in saying that. So I showed that queer people who look like me exist.

You never know, something as little as that could blow someone’s mind.

At the end of the day, if you’re queer or trans, it is not your job to educate people or to come out in order to prove something. I’m just one of those people who have decided to do so as much as I feel comfortable. But I would never ask everyone to do the same.


Coming Out

27 May

I arrived in this world on Feb.1993

Withheld my identity my mom did not  know of well of course she knew i was born as a female

I was born with a culture

There it held my Cuban roots and enough “Machismo” for a woman to have posture and nicely fitted clothes

I on the other hand was in between both

Didn’t feel the confort of the waiste line jeans hugging my hips with a shirt that says “I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND” in -Pink nor Victoria Secrect launduray (Though SOME perfumes do smell lightweight good) Ahaa..

But Relax with my jeans in style as the wind blows them side to side and as simple as a white-T

No, No, No i don’t call it coming out the closet
i would call it being myself Baby Locs

this is me and very proud of who i am today nothing changed

I Love women aswell as i love myself because then who will

-One Love, Baby Locs

Life For A Day In My Shoes

25 May

6am – Run in the park to work my body release my thoughts and tune out the world

9am – Television watches me as my mind goes threw todays agenda

10am – internet browsing to catch up on current events, lastest gossip, and social networking

11am-3pm – Homework Time and work stuff

4pm-7pm – LYRIC Training where we prepare wonderful agendas for our community building group that week

7pm-Sleep – My Free Time

This is What Dreeeeeeeaaaaaammmmmmssss Are Made Of……..

18 May

So you. YES YOU. You dare to ask what the day in the life of Supreme Time Lord Maxwell is like?!


This just for your enjoyment

So. I usually wake up at like 11. It so rocks that I dont have school or work till the afternoon. Before school ended i would go to American Sign Language class on Tuesdays and Thursdays. It was an ok class, it was kinda review for me. We spent a lot of times on numbers and tic tac toe 😛 But it was a fun class, because i would hang out with all the weird people in the corner and teach them awkward things in sign.

Then I go to work, Where i enjoy the company of the Lovely Queer Educators. THEY ARE LOVELY, OK? I usually try to convince everyone to watch Doctor Who. Usually fails, but sometimes, ya know, it just works. I usually but a burrito, too.

Then i trek back to Oakland, where i help the cousin with the munchkin, do some cleaning, and then stay up till 3 in the morning watching Avatar the Last Airbender, and playing Zelda and Mario Bros on my Gameboy Color.

than i9 sleep! Thus, the day of Max.

for Ya’ll


A day in the life of pantalones.

18 May

so my days are really sometimes a little boring cause im in school currently. but here’s what happens

I wake up around 6:00, or 4;00 am if i get a txt message. it takes me about half an hour to get outta bed, cause its still dark and cold outside.  usually I pick clothes the night before, but if i’m super lazy there will be a stack of laundry that I’ll pick something from. I grab my books and laptop (that i bring everywhere) and my ipod.

School : 5 hours of boredom mixed in with 3 hours of doctor who and tumblr.

bus rides are my favorite part of my day. I like to listen to my ipod while being around all the different sights and smells (the good smelling smells tho) and it relaxs me and gets me feeling like my regular calm self.

most of my day consists of me day dreaming and thinking about all the stuff I got going on, like my friends, work stuff and my non-existent yet highly confusing love life. sometimes I’ll write on the bus or when im not doing aything at work, which will end up to be a three to 10 pages story complete with plot and action sequences.

but back to a day. ummmm….I usually talk with max about nerd stuff. alot. me and him sorta are hecka good mates and love to have conversations that make no sense to anyone but us.

a good day ends with me falling asleep on the phone for the third time that week with my girl,  and an even better night is when I get to sleep over at her house.

sometimes at night their will be not so fun times, so i’ll stay up super late and write parts of my story till i can calm down and sleep again.  but it works cause then I also get lots of homework done.

anyways this is my day and maybe i’ll add another day next week. or somthing. maybe make a vid.

i’ll let you know.

till then Allons-y!!!! (doc who reference. lol)